dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
