did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
