I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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