She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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