He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
