i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this boner is exhausting
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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