So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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