You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
