Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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