Soap is not a condiment
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
