just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
