I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
