why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
