Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
