I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
