i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She bit a glass in half.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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