and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's shark week go big or go home
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
