I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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