and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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