Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
