im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
