I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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