What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
