I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
