There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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