I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
