I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
