tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
