My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
