I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
