# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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