my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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