I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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