I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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