I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i out mim tonsoeep
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