Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
