I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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