Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
