can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
