i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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