Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
