help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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