I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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