You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
