when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
