You're completely useless in the revolution.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
