this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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