He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
