My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
