I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
